*sigh*

I’ve been feeling so down these past few weeks. I dont think I can go on without blogging this. Its been a roller coaster ride for me. At first, I thought I was having a good time. I finally found the person I’ve been thinking of for the last 9 months or so. I thought I’ve totally gotten over him but i was mistaken. I still love him. I am still deeply inlove with that person.

For a moment, I was really ecstatic. I am feeling happy again after several months of  grieving over our almost love story. We were exchanging Hi’s and Hello’s again, goofing around, and emailing each other. Sharing stories about how our day was and all that  stuff. I felt that we were starting again. Just like before,  just like when we were first introduced to each other.

But then for the second time around, it came to a halt. He decided to put a stop on it. I’m not sure if its intentional or what, but he’s no longer responding to my emails. I feel I wasn’t ready yet. I thought we were getting somewhere. But we’re not. It turns out that I am the only one believing that we have a future, that the friendship that we started is going to be something deeper. Again, I was mistaken.

I don’t think he feels the same way. And I’m no longer interested to know. I’ve felt this all before. The same exact scenario: The thought that he was into me, but turns out that he was dating someone else. This time, there’s no dating part..but still, he is not into me. ;(

I can almost hear my friend telling me to go for it. Fight for the feelings I have for him because maybe…just maybe…he feels the same way too. But after all these, I don’t think I really have a fair chance of winning his heart. I’m not even sure if there’s really a chance for the both of us.

I just hope and pray that I could move on and be over him completely (hope its for real, this time!). So that the next time we see each other, I will no longer feel the schoolgirl blush and the trembling of my knees. (Darn! I hate that feeling!)

That the next time we bump into each other. I can look straight into his eyes, punch him on the side and could tell him that: “Not so long ago, I fell inlove with a dumb ass boy who didnt give a shit about me…so I went off and let go of the feelings for him and decided to look for somebody else who will care for me…And guess who that dumb ass is? It was you..”

*sigh* I feel better now.